TESTIMONIALS

For You, and For Me

~ A Love Letter, Remembered

From the very first moment of seeing you, I felt the difference.

Then I gifted myself 24 hours with you.

I met you at the train station – the beginning of something I couldn’t quite name yet but felt in every cell.

We went for lunch. Two chairs at a table, facing one another. You paused. Said you wanted to sit closer to me. Asked if that was okay. And when I said yes, you moved your chair beside mine.

It sounds so simple. But to me, it was intimacy in motion. To me, it said, I matter. 

The noticing.

The naming.

The asking.

That embodied presence. That care.

Later, at home, before we even touched, we sat down and created the container.

We spoke about intentions, boundaries, limits, edges, concerns.

Not as some checkbox to get through – this wasn’t preamble.

We lit a candle together. A small flame to honour what we were entering into.

To say, this matters.

This is sacred. This was the ritual.

This was the opening.

Your words – they matched your energy.

Not performative.

Not curated.

But true.

You didn’t say what you thought I wanted to hear. You didn’t mirror back my longing in order to access me. You showed up in your own grounded truth, and that allowed me to drop fully into mine.

There was so much beauty.

So much touch that felt like prayer – unrushed, unforced, sacred.

You gave me permission to touch you. That was such a gift. Such a joy. Such a deep, embodied privilege. 

In that space between our fingertips, devotion became visible.

To give and to receive, freely, generously.

No goal. No push. Just play. Just presence. Just truth. 

And oh, the laughter.

The playfulness.

The delight.

The giddiness of it all.

It wasn’t heavy – it was alive. And we let it be.

Then there was that moment – one I had longed for through all the zoom calls, all the voice messages. All those quiet ache-filled longings to just look into your eyes.

And now here you were, in front of me. In eye-gazing distance. In touching distance. 

And I could kiss you. 

I could ask for what I wanted.

And be met with yes, or no, or not-yet – all held in grace and love.

After one of our delicious, pleasure-soaked explorations, we drifted into the kitchen.

We sipped tea, sweetness in every sense.

I was shy again – a different kind of vulnerability.

I told you about my curiosity around conscious kink – specifically that edge of surrender involving my throat.

And what followed was what I’ve come to call Bear’s Art of Surrender 101 – a masterclass of the body, the breath, the mechanics, the subtle energy of surrender.

You spoke of safety. Of power. Of responsibility. Of the difference between taking and holding.

You shared it all with such clarity, such depth of knowledge, such unwavering care.

I learned more in that one conversation than in years of fragmented explorations.

It was extraordinary.

And later, as I prepared dinner, you suggested something playful again – spanking.

I had told you I wanted to explore it, consciously. I never really had.

You sat on my sofa and beckoned me to you. 

I lay across your lap, knickers on, skin electric.

You knew what you were doing.

It was intentional.

Confident.

Attuned.

You introduced me to predicament play, explaining gently as you moved.

That energy in a man – the calm knowing, the grounded command – it turns me on like nothing else.

You asked if I wanted to lower my knickers.

I said no.

And oh, part of me still regrets that.

Not because I didn’t want to. But because I did.

But shame got there first – self-consciousness, the old wiring, fear about how I looked, about not having the right words.

So I didn’t say yes.

But still – I was there.

I said yes to that moment.

To my longing.

To my limits.

And it was incredible.

Afterwards, we ate. We didn’t return to the scene.

But something had already happened.

Something beautiful.

Something complete.

And then, the morning after.

We sat in my kitchen.

I was wearing just my bathrobe.

I was going through temperature dysregulation at the time – heat flaring suddenly in my body like fire under the skin.

I lowered my robe, told you why. Sat there, beside you, bare-skinned, sky-clad.

And your energy didn’t shift.

You didn’t reach.

You didn’t react.

We continued chatting, drinking tea, as if my nakedness, my bare breasts were no more provocative than my elbows.

That stillness – that non-escalation – was everything.

You let my body exist without narrative.

You didn’t make it mean anything.

You didn’t turn it into something.

And in that quiet clarity, something deep in me healed.

There were tears.

Many.

I cried with you.

Spoke truths that hadn’t found air in years.

You listened. Not to fix, not to analyse.

You stayed.

You held space.

You used Compassionate Inquiry to meet me in the deepest places – my child self, my old patterns, my hidden wounds, my grief.

You met it all.

With presence.

With care.

We closed our time as we began – with ritual.

We blew out the candle together, just as we had lit it.

Not as an ending.

But as a sacred completion.

Two sovereign beings, bowing to what had been shared.

Bear, you are presence, embodied.

You are witness, without judgment.

You are one of the rare ones – a man who sees with your hands, listens with your skin, and speaks only truth. You have done the work, and keep doing it.

Not to earn something. Not to perform goodness – but because wholeness matters to you.

I told you – because how could I not –

“Being with you is like being at a wine tasting… and you are the finest champagne.”

You left something on my tongue, on my skin, in my breath.

And I told you – because I knew –

“I don’t want crumbs. I want the whole bakery.”

Because now, I know what’s possible.

This letter is for you.

But more than that – this letter is for me.

For the woman who said Yes.

Who showed up.

Who asked, offered, received.

Who let herself be held and seen.

I honour her.

And I honour you.

And I honour this.

This sacred, unrepeatable window of time

where two souls said:

Yes.

And now it lives in me.

Like a lighthouse in the mist.

And I will never, ever forget.

~ Myr ~

Aggie* (a pseudonym)

> A successful professional woman abandoned by her husband of over 30 years.

“I think you are both very brave, and very strong, and finally exceptionally generous to provide the service that you do, because these are non-trivial things. They are perhaps the most profound and necessary of things between human beings.”

*A case study composed with Aggie’s consent and collaboration.

The Challenge:

> In her early 50s, Aggie’s seemingly perfect marriage of over 30 years ended suddenly when her husband left her for another woman.

> She was devastated and deeply vulnerable, uncertain about every aspect of her life. In that state, she was susceptible to predatory men and misguided “healing” advice that could have worsened her crisis.

The Desire:

> Aggie came to me to explore whether, in her 50s, sexual pleasure might yet form a part of her future.

> But the unspoken need was for an anchor that would allow her to feel safe but also held – physically, yes – but emotionally too.

> What she found changed everything.

The Approach:

> Our work together was bookended by two immersive overnight sessions, with 9 months of weekly online coaching between – the experiences of one kind of work augmenting the other.

> Aggie first booked me for a 24-hour experience as a male companion. We met in a public setting. From the moment we sat down, I focused on presence. On safety. On building trust in simple, human ways. Only once that space had been created did she invite me into a more intimate setting.

> I connected with her on a very human level, establishing safety and boundaries before approaching any physical touch.

> A few months later, she reached out for weekly online sessions where I held space for her grief, her rage and her confusion as she negotiated a painful divorce and began to rebuild her life.

> We met for a 2nd 24-hour session, to mark her transition – symbolically letting go of the past and stepping into her future.

The Result:

> Through working with me, Aggie came home to her body — not just as a source of pleasure, but as a place of power and truth.

> She began to understand what authentic intimacy feels like — what it means to be truly met. This clarity reshaped how she approached relationships and dating.

> She reclaimed her autonomy and sovereignty – her right to live life on her terms.

> Aggie was able to navigate her divorce and heal her attachment wounds in the process.

> The experience was transformational: Today, she is living her best life, with more joy and fulfilment than she ever imagined possible.

Testimonial:

“I think that that experience with you was in fact true intimacy. It’s perhaps the greatest gift you could possibly have given me, because knowing what THAT feels like means that in future relationships, sexual or otherwise, I will not settle for less. It also means that you are able to be vulnerable with strangers in a way that psychologists specifically avoid being.”

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CONNECT WITH ME!

Ready to live a life with more pleasure, joy and connection?

Book a free 30-minute Zoom call to explore how I can support you. 

Identifying exactly what aspect of Bear’s help was most vital in my healing from an abusive marriage of three decades and its abrupt and painful end, is difficult. What I do know is that without his support, I doubt my recovery would have been as rapid or successful.

Bear and I first connected over Zoom, where I shared what I needed and why. We agreed to meet in-person to give me the opportunity to get a sense of how safe I would feel alone in his company. Reassured by that meeting, I requested an immersive one-night experience. I was 51 years old the only man I had ever been physical with had been my ex husband. I lost a lot when our marriage ended and now I faced menopause and what felt like my complete redundancy. I was determined that this would not be the end of my story.  As I look back, I am nevertheless astonished that I pushed past my fears and got that far. During our overnight time together, Bear both held me and “held space” for me. I not only began to reconnect with myself, but I also had a glimpse of the connection and joy I should expect in all my relationships. This set a baseline of feelings, keeping me safe as I entered the ‘dating’ world for the first time.

About six months later, I was in a deep crisis, grieving the end of my marriage and finding it the multiple losses it represented overwhelming. I reached out to Bear again and I asked if he would be available for regular sessions as part of a broader healing plan. Alongside weekly sessions with a trauma therapist, ongoing psychiatric care, and later a career coach, my weekly conversation with Bear was vital. It sometimes brought everything together. I trusted the other professionals supporting me, but it was Bear who had given me a sense of total physical safety. This was important as my body was playing a key role in my recovery – if you know something about body-mind linkages in trauma recovery and / or somatic practice, this will be more obvious.

When we had met in person, I sensed as a kind, patient, and compassionate man, determined to show me my inner self – and strength. In our weekly conversations he reveals a profound understanding of human behavior and relationships. We had agreed to focus these discussions on my relationships,I soon realized we were exploring my relationship with myself through my connection with others. We explored what I was doing, thinking, reading and learning, my fears and how to overcome them, – and yes, who I was having sex with, and why. Once again, my vulnerability and naivety could have led me to all kinds of self-help theories and practices, some of which might have been dangerous or unhealthy for me, and having my own guide was invaluable. 

The final phase of our work came about a year after we began these weekly sessions. Without intending it, this in person session served as a “bookend” to life crisis period and I began to unwind the different elements of my healing plan. Spending a second night together gave me time and space to see how much I had integrated my mind, body, soul, and spirit, and was becoming my authentic self—a concept I had long struggled to grasp, until I felt it.

In summary, I began my connection with Bear because I thought I just needed someone to hold me while I cried – and he did a terrific job of that! But it is Bear’s unique set of highly complementary services, not just touch but a ‘psychic touch’ powered by knowledge, wisdom, and experience that helped me see the power and value of my body, the importance of the connection between my mind and body, and what truly matters in being my full ‘self’. 

I’ve met many women who recognize the need for this kind of empowerment, and I am deeply grateful for the opportunity to have had Bear’s support in my work to transform myself.

Hannah* (a pseudonym)

A disabled woman – a wheelchair user – in her mid-30s, with complex care needs

“All of the experiences with you have been completely freeing and completely life-changing for me.”

*Case Study composed with Hannah’s involvement and consent/ approval.

The Challenge:

> A disabled woman born with Cerebral Palsy (a full-time wheelchair user), Hannah had experienced medical procedures and intrusive medical touch from infancy. 

> She had not experienced the simple but essential pleasure of being held with presence and loving touch.

The Desire:

> Hannah wanted to explore physical touch as a way to “get out of my head” and into her body. But as we built trust in our work together, she wanted to further explore if she could experience genital pleasure and possibly even penetrative s x.

> She wanted to explore her s xua|ity and s xua| expression, recognising that she had internalised many of society’s ableist attitudes around disability and s x.

The Approach:

> Given her disability and medical experiences, establishing safety was a priority.

> We started to build trust through a series of text exchanges before progressing to meeting on Zoom (I typically offer this as a first connecting/ discovery call). 

> We met first in a public place for a cup of tea to allow her to decide if she wanted to invite me to her hotel room, with no sense of pressure.

> So that carers need not be involved, I supported Hannah with practical issues (such as hoisting and dressing).

> But I was careful to balance practical needs without othering, treating her as the full and complete human being she is (and not a “special case”).

> We built a common language of communication and consent so that Hannah could lead in directing my touch.

> Big emotions of sadness, rage and grief would often surface which I held with compassion and empathy, to allow her to experience intimacy and body connection.

The Result:

> For the first time in her life, Hannah was able to experience her body as a pain-free source of pleasure.

> She had been told that she would never experience genital pleasure, or be able to engage in intercourse. Our work entirely disproved this as we were able to explore different positions to identify what might work.

> Hannah was able to drop some of the shame and worry about communicating both her disability needs and s xua| desires within intimacy. Our work gave her the chance to experiment, practise and build her confidence.

> She gained a new sense of sovereignty and autonomy (ownership and control) over her own body 

> Over several months, I helped Hannah develop an entirely new relationship with her body as a source of pleasure and possibility.

> Hannah’s sense of her right to experience and explore pleasure has even led her to step into the world of dating with some success!

Testimonial:

“In a world which loves to label, categorise, make assumptions, desexualise and medicalise our bodies, my sessions with Bear were the opposite: freeing, healing and liberating! Bear creates a gentle, safe, but radical space where we can celebrate and own our bodies and pleasure!” 

—-

CONNECT WITH ME!

Ready to live a life with more pleasure, joy and connection?

Book a free 30-minute Zoom call to explore how I can support you. 

Isabella* (a pseudonym)

A woman in her mid-60s with terminal cancer

“I don’t want for that awful and abusive encounter to be my last experience of physical intimacy and pleasure.”

*Case study shared with Isabella’s consent.

The Challenge:

> Isabella’s most recent s xua| encounters with men had been abusive and traumatic, leaving her fearful that these would be her lasting memories of intimacy.

> Living in the remote countryside and dealing with her ongoing condition, post-chemotherapy, Isabella felt starved of the simple human need for safe, physical connection.

The Desire:

> Isabella longed to be seen and held (physically and emotionally) in a space of complete safety – an experience where her nervous system could be soothed with co-regulation.

> She craved gentle, non-sexual touch, free from expectation, which had been absent in her past experiences with men.

The Approach:

> Through radical slowness and embodied consent exercises I supported Isabella to move at her own pace – pausing to breathe, regulate, and stay present.

> In feeling more empowered, she guided our interactions, choosing when and how touch occurred entirely on her terms.

> I reminded her consistently that this was her time, and we could pause or stop whenever she needed.

> With permission, I gently brought Isabella back into the room when her thoughts took her away. 

> I checked in with her throughout our session whether the experience she was having was what she wanted or whether it could be “…even just a little bit better?” This gave her permission to ask for exactly what she wanted.

The Result:

> Isabella experienced a profound sense of relief and ease in her nervous system.

> At the end of our session, she described her experience in three words:
Seen. Held. Stillness.

Testimonial:

“After having a very traumatic s xua| experience, I so needed a safe, non-sexual experience with a man! Simply being held in stillness, with very little touch, calmed down my nervous system! I felt seen, held and heard. To be able to just lie in a man’s arms, with no agenda, was a huge relief! Bear is the perfect man for this work !”

—

CONNECT WITH ME!

Ready to live a life with more pleasure, joy and connection?

Book a free 30-minute Zoom call to explore how I can support you. 

Steven*  

A cisgender man in the s x positive community red-flagged for inappropriate behaviour

“I’m sitting with all the discomfort. It’s appropriate. I fucked up.”

*Case Study composed with Steve’s enthusiastic consent.

The Challenge:

> In his mid-40s and enjoying the exploration and liberation of his s x ua|ity, Steven was red-flagged at a s x positive event after making advances that left others uncomfortable.

The Desire:

> A sign of his integrity, Steven took the red flag seriously and held himself accountable. 

> He approached me to explore the roots of his behaviour, hoping to re-engage with the community he so valued. The experience proved transformational.

The Approach:

> We worked weekly (online) in a therapeutic one-on-one setting, combining “Compassionate Inquiry” with “Internal Family Systems” (Parts work).

The Result:

> With compassion for the unmet needs of his neglectful childhood, Steve identified the inner Part that often took over in s x positive spaces. 

> By working with this Part, I helped Steve defuse the emotional charge it carried.

> His courage and willingness to take responsibility for his actions enabled him to publicly share his healing journey on social media. 

> Apologising to those where needed, he spoke about the insights gained and his commitment to hold himself differently. 

> Several months later, he is now re-entering the community he cherishes.

Testimonial:

“I can see now that I was overwhelmed. Over stimulated. I was in a state that was like being triggered. My wise kind adult was asleep at the helm. Thank you for all that you’ve done to help me learn and grow.”

—-

CONNECT WITH ME!

Ready to live a life with more pleasure, joy and connection?

Book a free 30-minute Zoom call to explore how I can support you.